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My amazing kids

There was an interesting article in The New York Times recently (published 1/19/12) about autism.  According to the article, the definition of autism is being modified, which would mean some would not meet the criteria for the diagnosis.

<Proposed changes in the definition of autism would sharply reduce the skyrocketing rate at which the disorder is diagnosed and might make it harder for many people who would no longer meet the criteria to get health, educational and social services, a new analysis suggests.

The definition is now being reassessed by an expert panel appointed by the American Psychiatric Association, which is completing work on the fifth edition of its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the first major revision in 17 years. The D.S.M., as the manual is known, is the standard reference for mental disorders, driving research, treatment and insurance decisions. Most experts expect that the new manual will narrow the criteria for autism; the question is how sharply.

The results of the new analysis are preliminary, but they offer the most drastic estimate of how tightening the criteria for autism could affect the rate of diagnosis. For years, many experts have privately contended that the vagueness of the current criteria for autism and related disorders like Asperger syndrome was contributing to the increase in the rate of diagnoses — which has ballooned to one child in 100, according to some estimates.

The psychiatrists’ association is wrestling with one of the most agonizing questions in mental health — where to draw the line between unusual and abnormal — and its decisions are sure to be wrenching for some families. At a time when school budgets for special education are stretched, the new diagnosis could herald more pitched battles. Tens of thousands of people receive state-backed services to help offset the disorders’ disabling effects, which include sometimes severe learning and social problems, and the diagnosis is in many ways central to their lives. Close networks of parents have bonded over common experiences with children; and the children, too, may grow to find a sense of their own identity in their struggle with the disorder.

The proposed changes would probably exclude people with a diagnosis who were higher functioning. “I’m very concerned about the change in diagnosis, because I wonder if my daughter would even qualify,” said Mary Meyer of Ramsey, N.J. A diagnosis of Asperger syndrome was crucial to helping her daughter, who is 37, gain access to services that have helped tremendously. “She’s on disability, which is partly based on the Asperger’s; and I’m hoping to get her into supportive housing, which also depends on her diagnosis.”

The new analysis, presented Thursday at a meeting of the Icelandic Medical Association, opens a debate about just how many people the proposed diagnosis would affect.

The changes would narrow the diagnosis so much that it could effectively end the autism surge, said Dr. Fred R. Volkmar, director of the Child Study Center at the Yale School of Medicine and an author of the new analysis of the proposal. “We would nip it in the bud.”>

This is more interesting and personal to me because exactly a week ago, my thirteen year-old son was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome.  I wonder if he was tested in a year, whether he would meet the criteria.  This comes six months after hearing of my two year-old’s diagnosis of high-functioning autism.  I am still trying to understand the full scope of what she has and what I can do to address it.  I now need to do the same for my son.

Today is interesting and unique because I have a meeting this afternoon to work on my daughter’s IEP (Individual Education Plan) with the district, while a meeting for the same is occurring for my son at his school.  I need to be focused on my daughter’s 12-page IEP for now so I can best advocate for her.  Soon I will need to shift my focus on the specifics of my son’s plan.  It is quite a mental shift to think about what a preschooler needs and then what a teen needs.

 

When I think about the path that led to my daughter’s diagnosis of high-functioning autism in July when almost 2 1/2, I am amazed at how random that path was.  My husband happened to speak with a coworker who was getting some assistance for their child through Child Find.  We wondered about Maya and had her evaluated with the organization when Maya was about 1 1/2.

The results were primarily that there was a speech delay.   She then began to see a speech therapist and occupational therapist.  This service will end when she turns 3 in February.  Soon she will have an evaluation to see if she qualifies for services through the district once she is 3.

Earlier in the year, concerns had been brought up by a therapist regarding autism.  The ball to have her evaluated for the disorder started rolling and was blocked repeatedly by her insurance.  After much pushing and coordination between Child Find and myself with Maya’s insurance, she was given a referral to be evaluated.

I filled out a mountain of paperwork and waited for her evaluation on June 24.  We were lucky to not have had to wait too long, as many people wait a while on a long wait list.  As the evaluation approached, we heard increasingly that she did not seem to have the disorder.  I was just glad to be able to rule it out.  This of course made the actual diagnosis of her having high-functioning autism even more mind-boggling.  Every day, we look at her wondering if there was a mistake – at times it seems it was, and at others it achingly does not.

The material and books to read and learn about autism are immense and daunting.  How does a parent even find the time when we are overwhelmed and exhausted from the extra effort involved in raising a child with autism?  What little I have managed to read so far stands out with the message to look at my daughter specifically as the wonderful human being I know her to be and to learn directly from her about her and not get worried or weighed down by a label.

 

 

Maya 7.18.11

I started to learn about the neurological disorder autism when told my daughter may be on the spectrum.  The disorder is not black and white and has a huge grey range or spectrum where one may fall.  My daughter is fortunately on the high-functioning end.  I hesitate to use the word “fortunate.”  Over-all, I am fortunate to have this human being in my care, no matter where Maya is on the spectrum.  As any parent can appreciate, she is my precious child, no matter what issues she and I need to overcome or manage.

While I was waiting to have Maya evaluated, I was amazed at all the coverage the disorder receives these days.  It’s possible that I was more attuned to the topic and noticed it more due to my situation.  There was mention of the disorder being possibly caused by vaccines and as a result, some parents have refused vaccinations.  This has largely been proven to be a myth and is potentially dangerous to children.  There was mention of potential contaminants in the environment as a possible cause along with genetics.  It’s possible certain environmental situations “activate” the gene.  It is still unknown what definitively causes autism, though it’s generally understood that genes play a role.  It’s possible some relatives in a family have some level or mutation.

A parent can invest considerable energy trying to understand “how” and “why?”  I realized I could surf the web forever trying to get answers.  Meanwhile, Maya needs care and attention.  It became apparent I needed to balance my desire to understand with trying to be the best parent I can be to her now.  Whatever I do understand of her specific needs can be utilized immediately.  In that sense, there was some relief in getting the diagnosis because it helps me to understand some issues that did not make much sense to me.  I have a place to turn to now for answers rather than guessing or doubting myself as a parent.

A resource:

Lack of Eye Contact May Predict Level of Disability in Children with Autism

 

Maya enjoying a Caribbean beach 2 weeks ago

We returned late the night of July 11 from Cancun, Mexico where we had vacationed for a week at the Riviera Maya. It had been an exhausting full day journey from the resort to our city of Denver, CO.  The following day, we had an appointment to get feedback from our daughter Maya’s evaluation for autism, which we had just before leaving.

Maya had been seeing a speech and OT therapist the past year for some delays, but we had been getting very encouraging signs about her progress.  We were being regularly told by friends that she did not appear to have the disorder.  Her OT therapist was also doubtful, particularly as we got close to the evaluation on June 24.  She was concerned about our time and energy being wasted with the lengthy evaluation.

As a result, we were also assuming that we would get a clean bill of health regarding our daughter, particularly me.  We discussed how we would handle it if we received the diagnosis of autism and we decided that there was no way to fully prepare.  We would just have to take the blow and begin the process of dealing with it; if that is where we would be.  And that is how it went.  The two psychologists met with us for two hours on the afternoon of the 12th in a small room and gave us the news upfront.  Then they patiently waited as we absorbed the hit and placed some tissue between us, which I soon required.  Then I tried to ask every question I could think of and to understand what I could, while being in the mental haze of  jet lag.

On the way home, after leaving a message with the OT therapist on the result, I bawled all the way home.  She called back and we chatted while I was parked in my garage.

Exploring a flower at the Mexican resort

 

 

 

Maya discovering the Caribbean

Late on July 11, we returned from our trip to Mexico and now trying to get back in the rhythm of our life at home.  On July 3rd, we left for a week-long daring adventure to the Riviera Maya with our toddler and teen.  We left the country just in time for the 4th of July holiday the next day.  It was somewhat odd to celebrate the occasion in a different country, seeing the red, white and blue balloons while listening to some classic American music.

My 2 year-old daughter Maya had a challenging time on the 5-hour plane ride.  It was surreal to see a sense of Mexico from the plane, which reminded me of my village in India, with its flat, rustic roofs.  Once in Cancun, we were hit by the humidity and then transferred to our resort at the Riviera Maya about an hour away.  Once there, the resort matched what we saw and read on-line and even what we saw via satellite on Google.  It was interesting to be in the ocean that I saw clearly on-line, right to the rocky, patchy areas.

It is difficult to complain about a vacation and resort over-all.  Because, you know, it’s a resort and vacation.  When all else fails, there is always the ocean, which can not disappoint.  We saw some negative reviews of the resort on Trip Advisor, and that was echoed upon arrival.  We had been placed in the wrong room and then on the wrong side.  After finally getting to our correct room, we had some issues with our room not getting cleaned and then the toilet not flushing.  We also had some issues with my son’s age – he was 12 when we booked, which was at a lower rate, but then he turned 13 upon arrival, a higher rate.

Things got resolved and we were able to appreciate the beach above all, and then the pools and having food/drinks included.  It was challenging feeding Maya – we actually had a hard time finding beans at the buffets!  There were no tacos, burritos, enchiladas or other traditional vegetarian Mexican food we are accustomed to in the states.  The first thing we did after landing late Monday was to stop at a cheap fast food Mexican drive-thru on the way home.  My son and I were so desperate for Mexican food after our trip to Mexico!  At the fancy Mexican restaurant, we were offered roasted vegetables.  This followed the fancy French food the previous night where we had the same vegetables.  I do regret not insisting on some whole beans and accepting what was offered.

I would probably not book an all-inclusive in the future.  I gained 5 lbs, and unless you are used to eating and drinking a lot, it may not be the best value or provide you with the choice you want.  Since you have already paid for your package, the restaurants don’t need to impress you, particularly vegetarians.  There isn’t competition for your business.  We had considered a vacation rental, which is something I would try next time.  We could have our own room and only pay for what little food/drink we may want.

 

 
Morning Rice

Morning Rice

It’s National Vegetarian Week!  Hooray!  In honor, I want to share a simple breakfast recipe that I made this morning.  I was hoping my two year-old toddler would appreciate it.  But of course it is a mystery what she will take to or not.

At first she didn’t want to try it because she didn’t recognize it (I assume), but eventually, she was won over, possibly by the fragrance of vanilla and cinnamon.

I wish that I could give proper credit to the source, but it was just on my calendar for the month of May, so I have been eyeing it all month, waiting to make it when I had cooked brown rice handy.  Making the brown rice in the morning before my toddler wakes at 6 is a bit much to ask.  Just trying to get my caffeine in by then is a feat.

I doubled the ingredients for my family of 4.  I left the peeling on the apples, which was fine with my family.

The dish can easily be made vegan with the use of non-dairy milk.

portion:  1 serving

Ingredients

  • 1/2 cup cooked brown rice
  • 1/4 cup lowfat milk or soymilk
  • 1 apple, peeled, cored, and finely chopped
  • 1/4 tsp vanilla extract
  • 1/4 tsp cinnamon

Mix all ingredients in a microwave safe bowl (or on the stove).  Heat on high for 1-2 minutes or until heated through.

Nutritional info (per serving):  calories – 220, fat – 1.5g, protein – 4.7g, carb – 48g, fiber – 7g, calcium – 92mg, iron 1 mg, vitamin A – 35mcg, vitamin c – 5mg, folate – 4 mcg

 

 

 

 

Raviolis stuffed with spinach in a tomato sauce

Trying to please the appetites of a 12 year-old and two year-old vegetarian kid at the same time is not always easy.

This is where pasta comes in to the rescue.  There are a variety of pastas, and the one my kids probably like best is raviolis stuffed with spinach and cheese.  This also works for me to try to get vegetables in my toddler.

Although spinach has fortunately not been much of a problem for her, particularly when it’s been sauteed with olive oil.

My son was off school today, so I made them the ravioli.  They both ate a lot.  Fortunately for me, it was easy and I took a shortcut by not boiling the raviolis separately.  I sauteed diced tomatoes in plenty of olive oil with minced garlic, salt, black pepper, Italian seasonings and then paprika.

If you use canned diced tomatoes, you probably don’t need to add water.  If you use fresh (I used a combo), add a little water.  I added the raviolis and let them cook in this sauce, covered.  I added some chives and cilantro at the end as garnish.  I served it with Parmesan cheese.  My mission of getting a balanced and satisfying meal in my kids is accomplished! (for now)

 

Imperfect self-feeding

Parenthood and perfectionism is of course a misnomer.  I doubt there has ever been a parent that felt “perfect.”  Probably the biggest mistake parents make is to expect such a standard from themselves and then kick themselves for not reaching it.  Guilt seems synonymous with being parents.  We never feel we are doing enough or being enough for our kids.

A New York Times article on Perfectionist Parents points to a study that expectant moms that have the highest expectations of themselves as parents are more likely to suffer postpartum depression later when self-imposed standards are not met.  A reader shared advice from her doctor when she became pregnant:  “She explained that I had just lost control of my life and had nine months to make peace with it.  It was the best advice I was ever given on parenting.”  Another reader commented that she found parenthood to be the perfect antidote for perfectionism.

Maybe a solution is to allow for some mediocrity and then pat ourselves when we go above that.  It could mean less guilt and stress when our standard is not so high all the time.

Parents commonly compare their kids – I have been guilty of the same.  We want to know the status of our children by making sure they are doing at least what other kids their age and gender are doing.  Parenting is the only job and role where we don’t get feedback.  Even our marriage partners will certainly let us know if we fall in expected standards!

Alas, parenthood, expectations of perfection, and of course the resulting guilt go hand-in-hand.  There are not many parents that begin the day with thinking “I will just try to get through the day or just try to make sure that my child survives.”  However, it may help on certain days to just tell yourself, “hey, everybody made it alive today!”  And try to go to bed peacefully and without guilt…

 

It is an interesting issue of perspective when disasters strike far from us and how much it impacts us here.  Often times, it is the role of the media that plays a big part in how emotionally connected we feel.  If the media does not discuss or show emotionally charged images of a disaster, people are less inclined to reach out.

Every place on the planet is far away for someone and thus can be cause for one to feel disengaged.  With the advancement of technology, places have become closer and closer.  Our world is more similar than dissimilar.  A relative recently commented on a photo of my daughter in Utah.  He said it looked like a photo of my ancestral village in Pakistan.  Both are deserts and geographically very similar.

We are all vulnerable one way or another.  If a disaster involved us, we would want the world to reach out to us.  Pakistanis affected by the floods, especially the children, deserve to be assisted.  They did not ask for this, just as the Haitians did not ask for the earthquake.  The magnitude of the disaster in Pakistan may end up being the greatest of the decade, yet the aid thus far has been a fraction of that provided for other recent tragedies.  The following article may provide some insight into why this is occurring:

4 Reasons Why Americans Aren’t Giving for Pakistan Flood Relief – International – The Atlantic

The comments below the article are interesting.  I am attaching the following that resonated in particular for me:

“Uncle_Fred 5 days ago
Wow. I don’t understand it. Here before us is America’s chance to make a positive difference. We all know this is a part of the world that associates the American brand with bombs and drones.

America is missing a golden opportunity.

Aren’t the troops and equipment a hop across the border? If they got the goods and the manpower, why isn’t America there to help these people?

Imagine the reaction in the Muslim world if they were beamed imagines of Americans helping Pakistanis in great numbers, assisting them as brothers in need. This could throw a wrench in the propaganda arsenal that radicals use to inflame militancy.

As an added benefit, it might help to stabilize the Pakistani element to the Afghanistan resistance. American soldiers might get to go home sooner!

Yes, it can be argued that previous help was ineffective in changing hearts and minds. A perfect example of this would be the earthquake that rocked the region a few years back. Nevertheless, the US has spent far more money and time bombing Pakistan then helping it.

Show the world your good intentions Americans. Show these people that you’re not their enemy. Consequently, the ill-will large swaths of the Muslim world feels towards poor US foreign policy can be partly alleviated.”

Support UNICEF’s flood disaster relief for the children of Pakistan

 

As the first signs of Spring are starting to be seen with the beginning of March, windows are being opened for some fresh air and thoughts of dusting, de-cluttering, organizing and Spring cleaning are not far behind.

From the Butterfly Pavillion

The starting point for my current spring cleaning is my son Colin’s room.  It’s been neglected.  It needs some upgrading to his current age, some organizing, lots of purging, and cleaning.  He has not kept up with the cleaning and the cleaning lady we recently had was being challenged figuring out her way around enough to clean.  She gave me the homework assignment of getting some bags of stuff out of there, which I had not completely complied with.

I have started by moving his bed to a different location – that always lends a different, refreshing perspective to a room.  That meant discovering a whole world under his bed.  Often, de-cluttering and cleaning for Colin has meant shoving as much as he can under the bed.  I’ve been pulling things out from under there, so it wasn’t too bad this time.  So initially, I cleared and cleaned the area his bed was going to cover and then put everything questionable to one side of his room, once the bed was moved.  This looks more cluttered than before.  But trust the process!

I’m trying to create “homes,” for his stuff, which I still need to do.  He has a big plastic tub (can’t have too many plastic bins!) that fits under his bed, which is now a home for art.  I have to find homes for all the other stuff piled to one side of his room.  Things gradually start to find groups and then you find a container to put them in and a logical place for the container.  As you create the homes and move stuff out, you see more and more space (and feel lighter!)

I am starting to learn some lessons, especially for getting together a preteen boy’s room:

  • Clear, covered plastic containers of all sizes solve many problems.  They keep dust at bay and keep things separate and easy to see.  I need a bigger one for his legos that no longer can be covered in the current container.  There are an abundant amount of small stuff to store and keep separate – pens, markers, etc.
  • Keep stuff to a minimum.  Colin’s room is not very big, so taking out unecesary stuff helps a lot.  This meant taking out a shelf that was only holding clutter.  Moving the bed to one side also freed up valuable playing space.   I have the vacuum handy to clean any new space as I go along.  With Colin’s help, we’ll go through his books to weed out those he’s read and outgrown, toys he has outgrown or doesn’t want to play with, and clothes that he no longer fits in.  These will be donated.
  • Every room needs some nature and greenery.  There are some small plants that I will put into a big pot to put in a corner of his room.  It should also help the air in his room.
  • Maintain the space regularly. A kid’s room needs constant maintenance to purge it of stuff that’s been outgrown.  With my 1 year-old, I keep a bag near her changing station to keep putting in clothes that no longer fit.  It’s a much more frequent process than with my son.  A preteen boy needs to be reminded regularly to maintain his room.  We’ve tried to have a set time, 8pm, when he needs to wind up his day, including watching TV, and take some time to get his room straight before retiring for the night.  This is still a work in progress.

He is very happy with his space once it’s done.  What needs work is having that pride stay long enough to keep maintaining the space to keep it in top condition.  What I find is that if the “vision” for the room strays too much, I have to go in there and re-haul it so he has an idea of what to work towards, which is what I am working on right now.  Hopefully, when he comes home from school today, he will have a wonderful surprise when he opens his bedroom door.

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