It is an interesting issue of perspective when disasters strike far from us and how much it impacts us here.  Often times, it is the role of the media that plays a big part in how emotionally connected we feel.  If the media does not discuss or show emotionally charged images of a disaster, people are less inclined to reach out.

Every place on the planet is far away for someone and thus can be cause for one to feel disengaged.  With the advancement of technology, places have become closer and closer.  Our world is more similar than dissimilar.  A relative recently commented on a photo of my daughter in Utah.  He said it looked like a photo of my ancestral village in Pakistan.  Both are deserts and geographically very similar.

We are all vulnerable one way or another.  If a disaster involved us, we would want the world to reach out to us.  Pakistanis affected by the floods, especially the children, deserve to be assisted.  They did not ask for this, just as the Haitians did not ask for the earthquake.  The magnitude of the disaster in Pakistan may end up being the greatest of the decade, yet the aid thus far has been a fraction of that provided for other recent tragedies.  The following article may provide some insight into why this is occurring:

4 Reasons Why Americans Aren’t Giving for Pakistan Flood Relief – International – The Atlantic

The comments below the article are interesting.  I am attaching the following that resonated in particular for me:

“Uncle_Fred 5 days ago

Today is the 40th anniversary of Earth Day and it’s a great day to reflect on ways we can be more environmentally-conscious.  Being conscious of my actions on the environment is a daily part of my life.   Ways that I maintain this consciousness on a regular basis include recycling and being a vegetarian.

I have been a vegetarian my entire life.  My diet and lifestyle began as a result of being from a vegetarian Indian family.  I’m glad I was raised that way as it seems much easier to just remain in the lifestyle rather than switching.  I chose to give my kids that gift by raising them vegetarian.

As a teenager, I researched vegetarianism and decided the lifestyle made sense to me at numerous levels, including environmental.  I was interviewed by the Vegetarian Times regarding my thoughts and beliefs.  I chose vegetarianism as my topic for Original Oratory in debate class competitions in high school.  I memorized the speech overnight and competed the next day with veterans.  I ended up being a quarter-finalist in the state of NC.  Judges told me that the speech opened their eyes and they would consider the diet.  I think the part of my speech that stood out the most for them was regarding the composition of hot dogs.

As an adult, I’m devoted to recycling.  My husband might call me somewhat of a hoarder at times because I don’t like to waste anything.  I was the first in my neighborhood to request an extra green bin from my town to hold my recycling and had my second regular black bin picked up (never need it).  In my family, we are trained to evaluate every piece of trash and determine if it goes into our recycling bin or regular trash bin.  This includes my preteen son.

I rarely use paper towels, preferring dish cloths for wiping up spills.  We regularly use cloth napkins at meals.  We use energy-efficient bulbs throughout the house along with any appliance purchases.  Left-over food is stored for future meals or given to our dogs.  Dogs can help a lot with recycling and preventing waste.  We make sure our dishwasher and washing machine is completely full before running it.  I remind my husband at least a few times a week to stop idling when I’m in the car with him.

We also compost.  We have a compost bin in our yard and are trying to perfect the art and science of composting.  Next to our trash and recycling containers in my kitchen pantry, we also have a compost container.  In there we put our vegetable scraps and anything else that can be composted, like dryer lint.  My husband and I debate somewhat the ingredients that will result in perfect compost.  It is a shared interest and goes perfectly with my gardening interest.  I like that not only am I not wasting and creating more junk for landfills, but helping my yard and garden out at the same time.

At my boutique, I offer environmentally-conscious fabric gift bags.  They are reusable, affordable, and save trees by replacing paper.

Fabric gift bags at Komal Style Boutique

What are ways that you honor the Earth in your life?

Finding others with such an interest is not very common, particularly in the dating scene I experienced.  Small talk can get boring fast if it doesn’t lead to more depth.   To engage in deep conversations, people have to be willing to expose themselves at some level.

The article states that “substantive conversation seemed to hold the key to happiness for two main reasons:

• human beings are driven to find and create meaning in their lives
• we are social animals who want and need to connect with other people.

By engaging in meaningful conversations, we manage to impose meaning on an otherwise pretty chaotic world.  And interpersonally, as you find this meaning, you bond with your interactive partner, and we know that interpersonal connection and integration is a core fundamental foundation of happiness.”

If talking deeply has not been your thing, you can experiment by trying to do some more every day and see how you feel, perhaps with your significant other.  You may find that you two become more intimate.  If you are male, I can almost assure you of it as a female.  I don’t think I’ve ever heard a female friend complain that her mate spoke too deeply with her.

Source:  New York Times

I first was exposed to the issue as a teen when working for a counseling hot-line that began accepting suicide calls.  Speaking with individuals in such a challenging state was profound.  I myself struggled with the issue in my former marriage.  I could relate to the concept of losing one’s perspective when in a dysfunctional circumstance.  I have also lost an uncle and a cousin by suicide, possibly related to bipolar disorder.

A friend I met at my son’s baby playgroup in 1998 and now also attending my Unitarian church, Sally Spencer-Thomas, shares her work on suicide prevention.

“On December 7, 2004, my younger brother Carson died by suicide after a difficult struggle with bipolar disorder, and my life was forever changed. I had been a psychologist and counselor for over a decade, and I knew a lot of things about mental health, but after this experience my soul has shifted. I have dedicated my life to both celebrating my brother’s amazing entrepreneurial spirit and preventing what happened to him from happening to others.

In the Spring of 2005 our family and Carson’s friends established a nonprofit called, The Carson J Spencer Foundation . We envision a world where leaders and communities are dedicated to sustaining a passion for life. We sustain a passion for life through suicide prevention, social enterprise and support for emerging leaders. In our work with suicide prevention we have established ourselves as the first organization in the U.S. to develop a program that is exclusively dedicated to helping workplaces develop a comprehensive suicide prevention initiative called Working Minds.  It’s a little known fact that the majority of people who die by suicide are men of working age, so we have found some innovative ways to reach out.  We also know that we need to start younger, so I speak professionally on college campuses around the country and promoting our message that “People Prevent Suicide.”

One of our other successes has been to partner with Junior Achievement to teach high school business students about the art of social enterprise. Student groups from around Colorado develop business plans and compete for seed money, but unlike the usual business plan competition, ours has a unique challenge. These students must develop a product or service that raises both money and awareness for suicide prevention. They first conduct a needs assessment by surveying their classmates and learning about resources, and then they develop a plan that addresses some root cause of the problem. We also award one Junior Achievement student each year with a “Rising Star” scholarship to help him or her get to college.

Finally, we support families bereaved by suicide. When a loved one dies from suicide, families often find they are traumatized, isolated and filled with haunting questions.  We send iCare packages through The Gifts of Hope to these families — offering resources such as books, music and tip sheets and referrals to support groups. Working in these areas has been tremendously fulfilling for me, and I feel that Carson is with me, giving me support along the way.”

1. Take into account that great love and great achievement involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three Rs:  Respect for self, respect for others, responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honorable life.  Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation.  Don’t bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge.  It’s a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

More thoughts

Although we donated to the Red Cross, it seemed very passive and frustrating that more can not be done.  I’m sure many of us have felt the urge to get on a plane and be there, which of course is impractical given the country’s infrastructure barely being able to allow the planes that are trying to get there, and other impracticalities that would make us get in the way of helping, along with our responsibilities at home.

Many of us are turning to our faiths and spirituality to try to make sense of it all.  I believe in reincarnation and that we have souls that go on.  I like to believe that there is a bigger plan that we may not be aware of.  It is comforting to think that the souls who lost their physical bodies in Haiti will be born again to live out their purpose and journeys.

I believe that our souls have been around perhaps for different lengths, so some of us may have older souls than others.  I’m sure some of us have felt this when thinking of others in our lives!  It can make us more compassionate to others if they don’t seem to “get it” or appear immature for their ages.  Maybe their souls are younger??  I think this way about my ex.

Regardless of the above beliefs, I do feel strongly that we have to do what is within our power to try to make the world a better place.  It is our moral obligation and “dharma,”  which is related to performing good acts and achieving good “karma,” which lasts into future lives.

On a practical level, in the realm of what we can do, many of us want to make sure that what we do donate does the maximum good.   Organizations that can help with sorting out the most effective charitable companies include Charity Navigator and Guide Star.  There has been some controversy regarding the salary of the CEO of the Red Cross (apparently $500-$700k).  This has been compared to the salary of the CEO for Hope for Haiti (apparently about $53k).  It seems Hope for Haiti has been focused on helping Haiti and perhaps your money can go further towards helping Haiti by donating to this organization.

This lovely saying is from the front of a card I keep on the board above my workspace, where it is always visible.  It is also a very relevant saying as we begin the new year.  I have refrained from making any formal resolutions.  Instead, I try to be vigilant about any areas for improvement as they come up and take note to address.

January is International Life Balance Month (or quality of life month).  It’s a great time to reflect on your life and think about the areas you want to see progress on.  Maybe this will be the month and year that you do something about your passions.  Maybe there is even a way to turn a passion into a side venture that can turn into something full-time.  A recession can be viewed as an opportunity to really be doing something you want to be doing or at least make a start.  I feel passionate about writing and being an entrepreneur.  This year, I would like to go further with that interest.

What is holding you back?  What can be done to get out of a rut if you find yourself in one? I have another quote on my board in front of me:  “you will never really change your life until you change something you do daily.”  This is very true and we have to aspire to trying to make any change, as minor as it may seem, EVERYDAY.  Think about this everyday and be conscious of it.

Another quote I have on my desk, that I have had for many years, is by Henry David Thoreau on goals:  “If one advances confidently in the direction of their dreams, and endeavors to lead a life they have imagined, they will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.”

I wish you all new journeys to begin and new reasons to celebrate.   Happy new year! 

All these points, he was fine with, but the end result was that after initially organizing a few pictures by age, as requested, he wandered off to watch Jurassic Park Part III and suggested under his breath that maybe I do the scrap-booking instead.   I thought he had a point in that it is MY hobby.  He wouldn’t even know what to say next to the pictures as it is from my perspective and he wouldn’t remember what was going on in the pictures.

Still, I had hoped some artistic interest would call out to him.  I’m hoping he will get more involved when I get to an artistic part. And I just need the help as I am still trying to finish his newborn pictures.  His pictures are from a time when digital cameras were just starting to enter the scene.  They were big, clunky objects.  So everything I shot was developed, good or bad, that needs to be scrap-booked, since 1998.  ***sigh*** I dream of being done by New Year’s so that I can try to get caught up with my daughter’s book.  I don’t want to wait too long as it gets harder to figure out what to write along with the pictures.  Plus her pictures are all on the computer, so I have to first get them developed.

Then of course there are all the pictures in between, vacations and so forth. Will I ever get caught up?  I also have a birth-record cross-stitch that I started when I was expecting my son.  It is barely 1/4 done and I hope to complete it for my daughter.

I enjoy the idea of recording memories.  I picture my kids leafing through their books long after I’m gone, feeling like they have a better sense of themselves and my view of them as they were growing up.  I know I would treasure something like this, and I imagine that they would as well.  I love photography and scrap-booking my children’s lives seems like a meaningful utilization of my photographic interest.

It is possible that I’m spending way too much time and energy on recording memories rather than making them, but for now, I have to plod forward to satisfy the “Monk” (our favorite TV show about the obsessive-compulsive detective) in me.  I hope I am rewarded someday by finding much meaning and comfort in my recorded memories.

It’s such a great concept to get specifics on a specific individual one is helping.  It personalizes world events that can be easy to shut off because they are not occurring in our neighborhood.  In the future, I hope to get a letter from her that I can show my preteen son.  I want him to know about a world beyond Ipods (what he wants for Christmas) and the latest video game system (another wish of his).

Sponsoring a female survivor of war through Women for Women allows me to feel more meaning in my life.  Maybe doing so would allow you to feel the same.  Unfortunately, there are many women that have had to struggle with the effects of war and could use a helping hand.  Make a donation by the 31st for a tax deduction in 2009!

Click here now to make your tax-deductible year-end gift by December 31st.

I wish you all a happy Thanksgiving and hope that you are able to find much in your life to be grateful for and watch it multiply.