One of the nicest collection of words on living life is by Don Miguel Ruiz in The Four Agreements. I keep the summary of the agreements in sight near my desk. I am sharing this summary verbatim. It wouldn’t hurt to read these agreements at the start of our days.
- BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD: Speak with integrity. Says only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
- DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY: Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
- DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS: Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
- ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST: Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will void self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.
This is an oldie but still relevant, with the start of 2010:
- Take into account that great love and great achievement involve great risk.
- When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
- Follow the three Rs: Respect for self, respect for others, responsibility for all your actions.
- Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
- Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
- Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
- When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
- Spend some time alone every day.
- Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
- Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
- Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
- A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
- In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
- Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.
- Be gentle with the earth.
- Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.
- Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
- Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
- Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.
More thoughts
My daughter is turning one soon and I’m doing some soul-searching about myself and the messages I would be giving
Maya's first dressed-up professional photo at 11 months
to her. Some thoughts were coming to me (in the shower) about what I would want to say to her (and how I should be living and role-modeling this). I started a letter to capture some of these and am sharing, as I thought it may be food for thought with the start of the new year.
I plan to keep it in electronic form and keep adding to it. It would be a nice ritual by adding to it annually, and give it to her before college. I have a chest where I keep keepsakes for my two kids to have someday – maybe I will put it in there. I separately started keeping notes about her development from the year. In case I end up not being around in her future, I want to share with her what I have learned thus far, that may be of use to her.
Letter to my daughter, Maya
Dear Maya,
It is such a privilege and honor to have you in my life and be your mom. In case I am not able to do so in person when you are an adult, I want to share some life lessons I’ve learned that I wish my mother relayed to me, which may be relevant for you.
- You create your own happiness
- Do not let anyone, especially a man, control your level of happiness
- Do not wait to be rescued – only you can rescue yourself
- People around you may not have the ability to rescue you.
- You are empowering them to believe they can control you and your state
- Don’t give away this basic power that is only yours
- Know when you are behaving like a victim and projecting that out to the world.
- As a female, it is important that you understand, embrace, and LIVE the word “empowerment.”
- Many events that can be viewed with sadness, such as a relationship ending (which truly did not serve you), can be viewed as empowering, if you allow yourself to see it that way.
- Know and respect your power and don’t give it away to others
- You can only expect from others the level of respect you give yourself
- Never settle on this – know and stand up for the level that you deserve
- Embracing your intelligence, intellectually and emotionally, is a good thing
- Do not feel ashamed, question, doubt, and disregard what you know in your heart to be true.
Above all, be open to giving and receiving love. Know that I have and will always love you.
With all my heart,
Your Mom
For more food for thought, check out my expanding collection of Quotes and Food For Thought
With the start of the new year, as we put away the holiday stuff, it’s common for many to start focusing on cleaning and organizing our homes. The evidence is apparent with what is on sale at the stores – storage bins, etc.
The annual ritual is sort of symbolic and related to needing to de-clutter our brains so we can begin anew. I can recall needing to clean out a closet before studying for a big exam in college. It was like then my brain had space. Maybe it meant that I have OCD.
Regardless, January for me, along with many of us, means clearing out the past – literally and metaphorically, so we can make space for something new and different. It is about letting go and allowing something new in. I feel the letting go process every time I recycle, donate, and discard something, especially if I’ve held it for a long time. I have files with newspaper clippings from the New York Times dated 1991 (maybe even before!)….I’ve moved a lot since then, so it’s weird thinking how often and how long some of this paper has traveled…
One of my (slow) goals is to go more and more paperless….There is a saying that paper should touch our hands only once. It should then be either discarded (recycled) or filed. I feel refreshed every time I see a space that I’ve de-cluttered and reclaimed for productive use. It is an easy achievement I can pat myself on the back for.
De-cluttering and organizing adds to my sense of balance, simplicity, and more in line with my spirituality.
As most people, I’ve watched helplessly as the tragedy in Haiti has unfolded. Tears sprung to my eyes as kids searched for parents, with one girl wondering if any female that walked by was her mother. My heart went out to parents that lost children or who had to hold their child’s hand to help them cope with the prospect of amputation, and further dealing with the impact of this for their grim future in Haiti.
Although we donated to the Red Cross, it seemed very passive and frustrating that more can not be done. I’m sure many of us have felt the urge to get on a plane and be there, which of course is impractical given the country’s infrastructure barely being able to allow the planes that are trying to get there, and other impracticalities that would make us get in the way of helping, along with our responsibilities at home.
Many of us are turning to our faiths and spirituality to try to make sense of it all. I believe in reincarnation and that we have souls that go on. I like to believe that there is a bigger plan that we may not be aware of. It is comforting to think that the souls who lost their physical bodies in Haiti will be born again to live out their purpose and journeys.
I believe that our souls have been around perhaps for different lengths, so some of us may have older souls than others. I’m sure some of us have felt this when thinking of others in our lives! It can make us more compassionate to others if they don’t seem to “get it” or appear immature for their ages. Maybe their souls are younger?? I think this way about my ex.
Regardless of the above beliefs, I do feel strongly that we have to do what is within our power to try to make the world a better place. It is our moral obligation and “dharma,” which is related to performing good acts and achieving good “karma,” which lasts into future lives.
On a practical level, in the realm of what we can do, many of us want to make sure that what we do donate does the maximum good. Organizations that can help with sorting out the most effective charitable companies include Charity Navigator and Guide Star. There has been some controversy regarding the salary of the CEO of the Red Cross (apparently $500-$700k). This has been compared to the salary of the CEO for Hope for Haiti (apparently about $53k). It seems Hope for Haiti has been focused on helping Haiti and perhaps your money can go further towards helping Haiti by donating to this organization.
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